Song Lyric Contest for CBlack's Next Premium Comic

CBlack is hard at work on his next Premium Comic. It's tentatively going to be called "Are You Ready to Rock?", and centers around an American Idol-type singing and performing television contest. The characters in the comic will be performing songs in various panels, so we need some lyrics.

Here's the poop. Because we want to avoid copyright problems, and because we thought it would be fun to have a contest, we'd like people to write some song lyrics that are based on the following songs (which you may or may not know). Here's the list (with links to the original lyrics on lyrics.com):

3. Crazy on You -- Heart
4. Rebel Yell --Billy Idol
5. Some original lyrics for a rockin' rock-and-roll finale by a rockin' band.

CBlack wants to use songs along these lines to convey the emotions going on at a partcular point in the story. He'd like the new lyrics to reflect the type of song and general 'sentiment' of the original song as closely as possible (without being way too obvious.)

Hope that makes sense.

The winner for each song will win free access to "Are You Ready to Rock?" when it's published (or another premium comic, if you prefer). If you win more than once, you will win credit for more than one premium comic. If you already own them all, you can always save the credit for future premium comics.

You can post submissions on this thread or by emailing femur@"the name of this website".com.

We'll announce when we've picked winning lyrics for a particular song in this thread.

I hope people think this is a fun idea. Even if you don't win, I hope you'll have fun writing some rockin' song lyrics!

Nov 8 Update:
We have a set of winning lyrics for I'm the Only One - Melissa Etheridge. Please don't write more lyrics for that one. Congrats, AKramden!

Nov 8 Update:2
We have a set of winning lyrics for Edge of Seventeen -- Stevie Nicks. Please don't write more lyrics for that one. Congrats, Tristra!

Nov 9 Update:
Sorry, a major misunderstanding. Crazy on You and Rebel Yell are both still open for lyric writing.

Sounds like fun, do the new lyrics need any specific theme or element or is it completely open?

I'll try to get CBlack to weigh in on the parameters of #5, the "open" song.

Well, to give you all an idea of the kind of band this is, its made up of ex-classic rockers and a couple of young, new-blood members... a guitarist and a singer. The song should be something that some classic rockers (who are open to some of the new music) would like. Which means that Rap and Hip-Hop are definitely out. (They're not that open-minded.) ;)

Any other questions... post 'em here and I'll try to give you a better feel for what I'm looking for.

Good luck! And thanks for your help!

How bout this "Sons don't let you mother grow up to be truckers, they will just want to run around this town blowing there air horns." To the song "Mother don't let your son grow up to be cowboys."

If I ever do a TG version of Hee-Haw... maybe. ;)

LOL,
Do they need to be TG or just new and "can't sue" material?
I'm good to give it a shot ether way.

* inadequate lyrics removed by Chalkerfan :-( *

My input for the Billy Idol song

(I tried to follow the song's rhythm and Idol's singing cadence as much as possible.)

Under a Spell

She came up to me last night, lookin' for a good time
She danced up to me last night, lookin' like a crime
I heard her say “Maybe, you wanna dance with me?
'Cause I've seen you looking, and I like what I see”

(Chorus):

For the rest of the night, she danced with me
Under a spell, which set her free
For the rest of the night, she danced with me
Under her spell, she captured me

He tried to chain her, but she'd never be
So she left him hanging, to be with me
I wondered for reasons, but silenced I was
With a single kiss from her lips, and because...

For the rest of the night, she danced with me,
under a spell, which set her free
For the rest of the night, she danced with me,
under her spell, she captured me

He gave up beauty for all his ties
now he's busy constructing alibis
Roaming the streets, looking for a fix
he runs his hand to his hair, nothing sticks

I will give you everything, that he could never give
I will give you every...thing
You gave me love last night, girl
And so because, here's what I'll sing:

You can have my soul right now, girl
Take it with you, and all my money too
Even without anything left to own
I 'd always have, this night with you...

For the rest of the night, she danced with me,
under a spell, which set her free
For the rest of the night, she danced with me,
under her spell, she captured me


.... Hope you like it ;)

I'd say they should NOT be TG in content -- but should have similar sentiment and spirit of the originals. Perhaps CBlack will also weigh in on this.

Nice job, Auryn!

Oh, I just noticed an embarrassing error...

it should read: "he runs his hand through his hair"

.... not "to"

*blush*

So, content that is not necessarily TG but may be seen that way would be best?
Kind of a Nudge nudge wink wink kind of thing.
Like GnR's Coma. They have another song that fits better but I can't remember the name.

I won't be able to actually sit down and try to make anything till about Saturday but my mind is swimming with ideas, I'll try to fish out some good ones.

I agree good work Auryn.
I hope I can match it.

Any TG content in the lyrics should be very... subliminal... at best. If you put any in, it shouldn't be obvious at all.

I wouldn't call this an entry just me getting in the mood.
I think it is to close to the original to be usable and I think it is a bit depressing but it has got the juices flowing and I thought some of you might get a kick out of it.

Original Song "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister (I like this song more than even makes sense to me.)
My version "Broken man"

Baby please understand
Why I can't just hold on
To your gentle hands
it's not just the past
our future is gone unless I make it clear
you need to know

(Chorus)
Take this broken man
And help me fly again
And Help me live so free
And when I hear so enchanting
Your words of love will lift me up
and set me free
(/Chorus)

Baby I think tonight
we can take what is wrong
and make it right
I need it so
Baby it's all I know
that this half is my flesh
and blood is out of my control
It's not my soul

(repeat Chorus)

Here is my "rewrite" of "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Etheridge.

I Alone Would

Honey, open your eyes and look
I'm being flailed alive
Oh, sweetie, without you
my heart just can't survive
This eve you came up to me
and said you don't want me
That some other girl has caught your eye
but let me make this plea

Tomorrow you two will cuddle
and the emptiness won't go
You'll tell yourself and she'll tell you
that your heart is free of woe
But I alone would
Traverse the fire of hell for you
But I alone feel
I'm not entire without you
You're only running 'cause of fright
What's ending us is just this flight
Who can hold you the most tight?
I alone would ....

Darling, let your vision clear
I'm trying to penetrate
This fear and fright's not strange to me
and I can bar the gate
This other girl's embrace won't solve
The panic in your breast
When it comes 'round once more it'll just be worse
So listen now to my request

Don't run away to this girl
for false happiness;
from your fear and anxiety
we'll make our exodus ...
I alone would
Traverse the fire of hell for you
But I alone feel
I'm not entire without you
You're only running 'cause of fright
What's ending us is just this flight
Who can hold you the most tight?
I alone would ....

Just wanted to drop a note and say thanks for all the submissions so far! Being kind of "thin-skinned" myself when it comes to public criticism, expect an IM from me regarding any submissions you make. [I could never be a professional critic... I just want to be loved too damn much! ;) ]
I really like what I've seen so far!
Keep 'em coming!!

Here it is, my submission.
A rewrite of Edge of Seventeen
No new title.
--------------
(Chorus)
Because of this maddening love
it sings a song
Sounds like it's singing
you you you
Because of this maddening love
it sings a song
Sounds like it's singing
you you you
ooh only you, I need you
(/Chorus)

And the more I try
these chains they bind
more pull tight around my heart
I can not win
Hard to admit, Baby
My heart belongs to you

when we first met baby then
I was so broken
Nothing within
Then I layed my eyes on you
captured by enraptured by
your chain around my heart

(repeat Chorus)

Saw you that day and I new then you hold
tomorrow
every moment away is painfully
familiar
You do for me
What I can't do for myself
with the words of a bard
inscribed on my heart
Sing a melody, nothing else matters

(repeat Chorus)

I never expected
but the skies open up
and my world changes color
when I look at you
no more dark and plain
with your grace it changed with you
my rivers flow
I'm filled with glow
a burning desire
you are everything

(repeat Chorus)

My heart is ecstatic
I just can't keep standing
I know my place is with you
I fall to my knees before you
tomorrow can't be beard, with out you
you are my answer for it all
a star that can not fall
I would search forever
just to hear your call
My brightbird singing
bring me light say yes tonight

(repeat Chorus)

Will I hear you in the morning
Need to hear you
No more Raven's call, near you
When I close my eyes and look in side I hear you
my love
This chain does not bind
it unwinds the world around you

(repeat Chorus)
---------------------



I would have made it more up beat but I've been in a weird mood.

nice rewrites :)

We have a set of winning lyrics for I'm the Only One - Melissa Etheridge. Please don't write more lyrics for that one. Congrats, AKramden!

K second entry,
Rewrite of "rebel Yell"

your love is like a cancer it's rooted in my soul
your like a fallen angel I'm always asking for more
I say "come on baby my vice is your love
and If I need to I'd go through hell for you drug."

(chorus)
I'm Traped by your power I need "more more more"
And I would walk through hell for "more more more"
Traped by your power Babe "More more more"
I would walk through hell "more more more"
(/chorus)

More more more

your touch is inslaving, it makes me sit and beg
But now I'm here all loanly I need you in my bed
What set you free and set your eyes on me
Please set me free your all that I need
because

(repeat chorus)

you brought me to this heven
threw me down on the floor and taught me true sin
I wait all night now for the touch of you hand.
just as long, just as long as in the morning you know I'll need you again.

I'll ride the world with you baby
a thousand miles for you
I shead these tears for your sweet pain
a million times for you

I've sold my soul to you baby
It burns without you
I'd give you all and have none baby
even when it's it's torturing me.
Because

(repeate chorus)

More more more

My craving never ends
I still want more
More more more more more

my craveing never ending
I still need more.
more more more more

-----------------------------------
If anything I have found I am not a song writer.
Still i hope you enjoy it.

I wanted to do "Crazy on you"
The words aren't coming.

what is the time limit on this?

I can use either "Crazy on You" or "Magic Man" or something along those lines by Heart.
I still have a lot to do on this project, so I hadn't really thought about a time limit for now.
Think in terms of weeks rather than days before I positively, absolutely need all these lyrics.

But there's only a couple of songs left, though! ;)

We have a set of winning lyrics for Edge of Seventeen -- Stevie Nicks. Please don't write more lyrics for that one. Congrats, Trista!

hmmm... since the mail didn't seem to work, I'll post the two new versions I've written here...

Hey CBlack,

here are two new versions of the song. Both are from the woman's POV. The first one is about her being captured under the man's spell, the second is about her capturing the man under her spell.

Hope you like 'em

Sincerely yours,

Auryn Dawn

1)

He came up to me last night, lookin' for a good time
He danced up to me last night, lookin' like a crime
I heard him say “Maybe, you wanna dance with me?
'Cause I've seen you looking, and I like what I see”

(Chorus):

For the rest of the night, you danced with me
Under a spell, you set me free
For the rest of the night, you danced with me
Under a spell, you captured me

My boyfriend tried to chain me, but I'd never be
So I left him hanging, to set myself free
I wondered for reasons, but silenced I was
With a single kiss from new lips, and because...

For the rest of the night, you danced with me,
under a spell, you set me free
For the rest of the night, you danced with me,
under a spell, you captured me

Chainboy killed our love for all his ties
now he's busy constructing alibis
Roaming the streets, looking for a fix
he runs his hand through his hair, nothing sticks

But now I will get everything, that he could never give
My heart's a bolt of lightning
You gave me love...last night I lived
And so because, here's what I'll sing:

You can have my soul right now, yeah
Take it with you, and all my money too
Even without anything left to own
I 'd always have, this night with you...

For the rest of the night, you danced with me,
under a spell, you set me free
For the rest of the night, you danced with me,
under your spell, you captured me

--------

2)

He came up to me last night, lookin' for a good time
He danced up to me last night, lookin' like a crime
I heard him say “Maybe, you wanna dance with me?
'Cause I've seen you looking, and I like what I see”

(Chorus):

For the rest of the night, he danced with me
Under a spell, I set him free
For the rest of the night, he danced with me
Under my spell, I took him all for me

His girlfriend tried to chain him, but that he'll never be
So he left her hanging, to be with me
He wondered for reasons, but silenced he was
With a single kiss from my lips, and because...

For the rest of the night, he danced with me,
under a spell, I set him free
For the rest of the night, he danced with me,
under my spell, I took him all for me

She went and killed their love with all her ties
now she's busy constructing alibis
Roaming the streets, looking for a fix
she runs her hand through her hair, nothing sticks

But now I'll give him everything, that she could never give
His heart I struck with lightning
I'll give him new love...like he's never even lived
And that's because...these words I'll sing:

I have his soul right now, yeah
He'll give up everything, all his money too
Even without anything left to own
He'd always have, this night so true...

For the rest of the night, he danced with me,
under a spell, I set him free
For the rest of the night, he danced with me,
under my spell, I took his heart with me

(Fade)

I took his heart with me
His heart belongs to me
I took his heart with me
His heart is one with me...

They're dropping like flies! We have a set of winning lyrics for Crazy on You -- Heart Please don't write more lyrics for that one. Congrats, Auryn Dawn!

Is there a deadline? I'm trying to come up with some Lyrics for Rebel Yell, but it takes time for the Creative Process! I need that one line to set up the chorus. :D

Edit: CBlack's point is the issue btw! Someone is going to ninja win the spot for Rebel Yell before I'm finished, I just know it :(

Dang, I knew there was something we forgot!

I guess I was thinking that we'd simply declare winners as we went along, so if we got some lyrics we liked, we wouldn't waste people's time. But now that you mention it, a deadline would have leveled the playing field against speedy writers. At this point, I think we'll just keep things casual, but I promise that next time around, we'll set a specific deadline.

Sorry about that!

The Heart that Bleeds

"My heart bleeds for you,screams for you
you understood me, but you left me behind
i cared and now i have nothing

this abyss that you've made has taking me
but now I'm climbing out and fighting back with every once of hatred and
love that you have given me

these razors that you have pushed into my soul are finely leaving
this pain you have caused me is dissipating and now. and now I CAN LIVE!

this abyss that you've made has taking me
but now I'm climbing out and fighting back with every once of hatred and
love that you have given me

you came crawling back and all i said was you broke my heart and NOW...I BREAK YOURS!!!!!!!!

this abyss that you've made has taking me
but now I'm climbing out and fighting back with every once of hatred and
love that you have given me and now.... I am.... free.."

My sister helped me write this, what do you think?